Reflections on 9/11 and Other Things

13 years ago today I woke up and started my day in the usual manner. I got my daughter changed, went to make her breakfast, and turned on the TV. Normally the TV was permanently set on Disney Channel, but this morning it was on a local news station. I looked to see the first tower burning. I immediately called my husband and asked him if he knew what was going on. While we were on the phone, I watched in horror as the second tower was hit. Then the Pentagon was hit and every military base went on total lockdown. I couldn't reach my husband at all. He wasn't able to contact me until almost 5 PM that evening. It had taken him that long to get off of the base and to a pay phone to call. I remember I spent that day holding my daughter and crying. What was going on?

Obviously today has stirred up memories. And it has made me reflect on plenty of other things too. For example, my daughter has never known a world where there isn't a threat of domestic terrorism. At the time of 9/11, I had just been diagnosed with Lupus. My daughter has never known a time when her mom was completely healthy and full of energy. 

13 years later, the same world exists for my son. But there are other things going on now. My son will never have his own memories of his Bubbe, my mom. He lives in a world that knows the threat of domestic terrorism is everywhere. He lives in a world where forces want to destroy the Jewish people. (OK, that part is always happening and has throughout history.)It's kind of a mess out there.

This morning I woke up with my normal routine again. I got my son out of bed, got him dressed, made him breakfast and turned on the TV. Today I turned it to a news station just to make sure there was nothing new. It was filled with images of 13 years ago. I was down this morning. It was hard to think about doing much of anything. But I made the decision to pull up myself up by my proverbial bootstraps and head out to Mission BBQ in California, MD to help honor the fallen heroes of 9/11. Those brave men and women that gave their lives for us! I also wanted to honor the men and women who put their lives on the line everyday for our protection and freedom, my heroes! I shook hands with fireman and women. I thanked them for what they do. I shook hands with men and women in military service and thanked them as well. I didn't do it to make myself feel better, I did it because it's what I'm supposed to do. It's what I am called to do. It's what I love to do!

I know it seems that I have spent my day reflecting on sad things, I want you to know that I know there is a bright side. It says so in the Bible. Romans 8:28 says,"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." This lets me know that even though the world seems bleak and scary at times, God has everything under control. He will work it all out for his glory! Amen!

2013 Retrospective - The First Three Months

I thought I would do a little retrospective of 2013 using pictures and Facebook statuses. The following is just the first 3 months of the year. It's quite cool looking over the past year and seeing what was going on in my life and through my head! 

JANUARY

• January 1, 2013 - My profile is all about rebels! French Revolutionaries and the Rebel Alliance. I wonder if this is a sign of my attitude about 2013?

Thank you, Les Miserables and James Hance for the inspiration!

• January 5, 2013 - Officially joined the gym. Holy craziness... what have I done??
• January 7, 2013 - I did it! Only 15 minutes on the elliptical but it's a start! — at World Gym.
• January 12, 2013 - Josh Tulkin writes, "Didn't expect to run into cousin Laura at the DC tattoo expo." — with Annie Tulkin and Laura Shimer Hinkle.

• January 14, 2013 - New foot tattoo + athletic shoes + gym = ouch! Wish me luck!!
• January 22, 2013 - So I was thinking today. Scary, I know. I realized that it could seem very narcissistic for me to post about going to the gym and how many calories I have burned, etc. But I do it not for the pat on the back from friends (although that is also nice), I do it to keep myself accountable! This is a huge step for me. Since losing my mom the way I did, I have realized that I don't want to have my kids watch me go. I want to be healthy and stick around to be there for them and annoy and embarrass them for many, many years to come!
• January 26, 2013 - Being sick... Awful. Having a friend willing to come over and watch your kids so you can recover... AWESOME! Thanks, Meghan!
• January 31, 2013 - So I'm having dinner with Jack and my mother in law and Jack is being himself (a little loud). This little mutant in the booth next to us looks over the wall and says, "Shut up, baby!" Then says, "I'm gonna fight that baby and throw his food on the floor." And his mother did NOTHING about it! Are you kidding me?!?! Raise your kids with manners, people!

FEBRUARY

February 3, 2013 - Jack is enjoying the halftime show.

• February 1, 2013 - A BIG congratulations to my husband and the Lady Eagles for their 51-46 victory over the Grace Christian Knights at tonight's homecoming game! Well done, girls! I am SO proud of you all! — with Roy Hinkle and Christopher Eugene Viers.
• February 3, 2013 - Well, after years of trying to keep my kids kosher, it all went down hill today. Of all things, my boy loves bacon.

February 14, 2013 - I reported the mailbox destruction to the sheriffs office. A very nice officer came out to the house and talked to me. Unfortunately there were no reports made about incidents and no one has come forward to tell us they are responsible. There's not much they can do. In light of this information, I have decided to have a little fun with it. I'm putting up crime scene tape and evidence markers and taking pictures! Why not! I may even photoshop a chalk outline!!

• February 5, 2013 - Yesterday I was trying to get the phone number for Urgent Care and I was asking Siri. She wouldn't give me the right answer, so I yelled at her and told her she was a complete idiot. She responded with "I'm doing the best I can."
• February 8, 2013 - Phone in pocket. Accidentally hit voice text. Apparently this is what I sound like when I talk to Jack... "Are are I will be right back to Mamaloni right back."
• February 10, 2013 - Ketchup is a vegetable, right?

• February 14, 2013 - Beautiful Valentine's Day flowers from my sweetie pie! — with Roy Hinkle.

• February 17, 2013 - Still more prayers needed. Em's temp is 99.5 and Jack is wheezing. I think they should make an Outbreak 2 and film it in my house!
•  February 19, 2013 - I'm so proud of my husband, Roy, and his Lady Eagles! They finished their basketball season at 6-6! Yeah for 500!!! This is the Lady Eagles most winning season in history!!
• February 22, 2013 - I want challah and hamantashan! Apparently my Jewish side is screaming to be fed!
• February 23, 2013 - With Roy Hinkle and Jack! — at National Aquarium.

• February 23, 2013 - Congratulations to the FTC team of KCA for winning FTC Maryland State Champions! (My Emi is on the team!!)

• February 28, 2013 - I love you, Kayla Boland! You make me smile!

MARCH

• March 2, 2013 - It's been 6 months to the day that my mom passed away. I tried to keep myself busy today to not think about it, but now that it's quiet in the house it's coming down on me hard. I miss her so much. I wish she was here to hug me and tell me she loves me and that I'm doing a good job with my life. I would never ask her to leave the presence of the Father, but man, I want her back so badly!
• March 5, 2013 - 2 year olds are a weird species... that is all.
• March 9, 2013 - Holy cow! The KCA VEX team won design. They're going to Worlds!
• March 12, 2013 - My son just threw a tennis ball at the tv. He asked me to get it back for him. It's cute how he thinks he will ever see it again.
• March 15, 2013 - Beware the Ides of March! And if your name is Julius, I'd stay away from the Senate today too!
• March 17, 2013 - For real?? It's snowing! My daffodils are in bloom and it's snowing.
• March 18, 2013 - I am straight up gangsta, homie!

• March 19, 2013 - So I hadn't been out of the house for 30 minutes even when I saw a dog pee on another dog and a lady taking pictures of herself with her phone.
• March 20, 2013 - Does anyone have a saw they would trust me with? I need to cut a foot off of my mailbox post in order to put up my new one. If you don't trust me with sharp implements, you could come do it for me! LOL!!
• March 22, 2013 - My coffee is smiling at me this morning.

• March 22, 2013 - Wow. I just realized that I am sitting here watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Jack is in bed. This isn't good!
• March 28, 2013 - There is some weird stuff on TV. Seriously... I don't get it at all.
• March 28, 2013 - You had one job, tag guy!

• March 28, 2013 - 420 Easter/Thank You cards for our Veterans at Charlotte Hall Veterans Home! THANK YOU to all who helped me get these together so we can bless the men and women who have served our country with valor!!
• March 29, 2013 - Just paid a visit to the Charlotte Hall Veterans Home to drop off the Easter cards. I got to spend a little bit of time shaking hands and thanking my heroes!
• March 30, 2013 - We just spent 2 hours cleaning and rearranging furniture to prepare for the arrival of Jack's birthday presents. On a sad note... the baby corral is gone. Now I will never be able to go to the bathroom by myself.
• March 31, 2013 - 2 years ago, at 4:20 AM, with my husband and my mom in the room, I gave birth to this beautiful blessing we didn't know we needed! Jack Lewis, Mommy loves you SO much! Happy Birthday, boy of my dreams!

Confessions of a Fangirl

They say the first step is admitting... so here it is. Hello, my name is Laura and I'm a fangirl. Whew! Got that off my chest!

I didn't choose the fangirl life, it chose me. And I do nothing halfway. When a fandom finds me, I dive in head first. I will watch all of the episodes, join the fan club, invest in the collectables and spam everyone I know on Facebook with memes about my favorites. 

I am a Trekkie AND I love Star Wars. I'm a Whovian. I want to go on an adventure with Hobbits, I want to travel the 'Verse in a Firefly, I'm desperate to find a door into Narnia, and I'm still waiting for my mutant ability to manifest.  

It's fun to lose yourself for a bit in a fandom. People think I'm odd (duh!) that I will watch an entire series in a week. (The Walking Dead... thank you, Netflix.) I feel I have achieved a parenting win whenever my phone rings and my son looks at me and says, "Doctor Who?" (Yes, my ringtone is the theme to Doctor Who, and my text tone is the sound of the TARDIS), and when my daughter went to the mall with friends and came home with a Tenth Doctor t-shirt!

Sometimes fangirling has it's benefits. For example... my fangirling over David Tennant has had me looking at other things he has done. Did you know he is an incredible Shakespearean actor? He is!! And that hair... And those brooding eyes... and how he makes you want to hug him when he's sad.... Oops... sorry! I got swept up there for a minute. It's cool. My husband knows I'm crushing on David Tennant and he's OK with it.

I'm a firm believer that reality can stink big time. We all need an escape. For me that can be fighting walkers with Rick and his team, or going to the end of the universe with the Doctor. As long as you remember to feed your kids, a little escape is a good thing.

So remember... Go on an adventure! Live Long and Prosper! May the force be with you! Browncoats unite! Mutant and proud! Don't panic, bring your towel! For Narnia! Allons-y!!

Raise your kids with manners, people!

I was having dinner with my mother in law and Jack tonight, and Jack was being... well... Jack! He was a little loud but nothing too bad. Suddenly this little mutant in the booth next to us pops his head up over the wall and says, "Shut up, stupid baby!" Then says, "I'm gonna fight that baby and throw his food away!" His mother did NOTHING! Are you kidding me?!?!

In light of these events, I have decided to dust off my soapbox for a moment. Please bear with me...

The Bible tells us, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." (Proverbs 22:6) Most people see this as if you teach your child about God when they are young, even if they stray they will come back to Him. I definitely agree with that, but I see another side as well. If you teach a child to be ill mannered, disrespectful, and cruel, when they are old they will not depart from it. It will be a pattern that may continue for the rest of their lives.

One of the things that made me most upset tonight was not that the kid was being rude to my son, (Although, I'm not going to lie to you... you mess with my kids and Mama bear will come out with claws drawn!), it was that this child learned this from someone, most likely a parent. It's sad to think that this child is in a place where he hears things like "stupid, shut up, and I'm going to fight you." If this doesn't change, this boy may be a resident of one of our jails in the future, or a resident in one of our cemeteries sooner than he should be.

Hillary Clinton started this thing with "it takes a village to raise a child." Ummm... to quote someone from the Internet, "I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my children!"

Parenthood is a full-time job with benefits that you may not see for years. It is not for the faint of heart! My mom once told me that the reason we had issues in our relationship in the beginning was because she had no idea how to be a parent. She figured if she did nothing, she couldn't do anything wrong. It wasn't until she became a believer in Jesus that she saw the error in this. Through Bible study, prayer and encouragement from people in our congregation, Mom and I repaired our relationship. She learned how to raise me the right way. She was involved to the best of her ability and I am thankful everyday for the hard work she put in! 

So as I finish with my rant, just remember these words... It doesn't take a village to raise a child. It takes God-fearing, Bible believing parents!

It does, however, take a Viking to raze a village!

The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened to Me!

On October 22, 1994 I met the man of my dreams. We met at an Out of the Grey concert that both of us happened to be working. He was doing stage crew and I was working the World Vision table. Now when I first saw him I didn't think anything. He really wasn't my type. Besides, he introduced himself to my 2 beautiful blond friends first, then he got to me. But then the most amazing thing happened... I asked him where the water fountain was and he told me to wait a minute. He left and a minute or 2 later he came back with a cup of water for me. Wow! I don't think I'd ever seen a gentleman before that night. I was immediately interested.

Throughout the night we chatted and I found out so much about him. In my head I was checking off criteria from my "what to look for in a potential spouse" list.

(Side note... I had been praying for the man I was going to marry since I was 14 years old. Every night I prayed. I was 4 days away from my 23rd birthday when I met JR.)

By the end of the night I knew I was going to marry him. But I wouldn't make any first moves. Before I left he had asked for my phone number. We exchanged numbers and my life has never been the same! We were engaged 3 months to the day after we met and were married 8 months after that.

Meeting and marrying my husband has been the greatest thing in my life. Second only to being saved! JR has been a source of healing from my past. His family has taken me in as one of their own and I love them. The first Christmas I spent with JR, we weren't engaged yet. His parents had only met me once. But there were presents under the tree for me from them!

Since today is my 17th anniversary, I wanted to take this opportunity to let everyone know how incredible my husband is and how blessed I have been for having him in my life. To quote Spiral Staircase, JR, "I love you more today then yesterday. But not as much as tomorrow!"

On May 13, 1993, I wrote this poem for my husband. I met him a year and a half later!

"Lord, I life up to you the man you've chosen for me. May your grace abound to him everyday.

May he be as bold as a lion, as gentle as a dove and always have his heart turned toward you.

May he love you the most, more than everything in the world. May he love you more then he'll love me.

May his heart be open to your call, his ears listening to your voice, his mind meditating on your word, and his lips always speaking the prayers of a warrior.

Give his heart a burden for the lost, and a desire to see all come to you.

Give him a compassion for those who and hurting, and a longing to see them set free.

May the fire of your spirit well up in his soul.

Breathe courage upon him so that he can preach your gospel.

Build in him a love for family, a playfulness best used with kids.

Give him a tender touch, a soothing voice, and a warm embrace.

Make him a covering, a protector, a comforter, a friend and a lover.

And in your perfect timing, may he come and find me."

A Eulogy for Mom

Shoshanah Yaffa Tulkin, or as I called her, Mom, was born in Bronx, New York on June 19, 1945. Her parents, David and Mae were excited to have a baby girl. I never found out how big brother, Steve felt about her arrival! When she was 6 months old, the family moved to Prince George’s County, Maryland, eventually moving to a house on Hannon Street in Hyattsville. That is where she grew up.

She told me many stories from her childhood. She and Uncle Steve used to share a room when they were very young. Mom told me that she used to entertain Steve at night by making shadow puppets with her feet on the wall. Mom and Steve’s parents were Russian and spoke Yiddish all the time in the house, especially when they didn’t want the kids to know what they were talking about. To combat that, Mom and Steve learned Spanish in school so they could talk to each other and their parents would have no idea what they were saying.

Mom always had a talent for writing. She told me she once wrote a poem (under a pseudonym, of course) and sent it to President Kennedy. Her pseudonym received a lovely letter back. Mom loved to read, enjoyed memorizing Shakespeare (because she wanted to, not because it was required), wrote poetry and several novels which were unfortunately never published. Mom always had new characters roaming around in her head. I told her she needed a traffic cop up there!

During the Vietnam War, Mom volunteered at the USO as a Junior Hostess. She loved to entertain! She played guitar and sang to the “boys in uniform.” She used to tell me stories about it all the time. One in particular I remember was a song and dance number she did with another person called “Me and my Teddy Bear.” She said there was a line of teddy bears starting from smallest to largest and then the biggest one was her dressed as a bear. Her friend would walk down the line picking up each bear until she got to mom and they would do a little dance number at that point in the song. One time she slipped and fell and received a standing ovation from all the soldiers in the room. Gathering her wits and stuffing back her pride, she stood and took a bow!

It was during her time at the USO that she met a handsome, young sailor named Robert Shimer, or as I call him, Dad. She said he was so cute in his sailor suit. When Dad deployed to Vietnam she wrote to him all the time. They fell in love thousands of miles apart from each other. They were married a just a few months after Dad’s return from the war, and although their marriage didn’t last, something good came out of it. A baby girl named Laura Pauline, or as I call her, me.

My parents separated when I was 5 and I lived a short time with Dad, eventually ending up with Mom. The beginnings of our relationship were difficult. Mom admitted later that she didn’t know how to be a parent and figured if she did nothing, she couldn’t do anything wrong. She soon realized that that was not working for us. It was a challenge.

Things started improving in 1980 when Mom made the greatest decision of her life! She accepted Yeshua (Jesus). As she grew in her love for her Savior and learned more and more about her Jewish heritage and how well it meshed with her new found faith in Yeshua and through the encouragement of the people at Beth Messiah, Mom and I began to grow a bit closer. There are so many people from back in the day that meant a lot to my Mom, way too many to mention. You know who you are though!!

Mom’s life in Yeshua was so good for her! She did a lot of really neat things. One summer we spent a week at Inner Harbor, Baltimore doing street witnessing. Mom was there in her mime makeup introducing everyone who walked by to her faith in Yeshua through skits and chats! Mom also got a chance to show off her writing skills and her awful punny sense of humor (one I tried to avoid inheriting but really there was no chance of that), by writing a Purim play for the congregation’s annual Purim Festival. The play, called “Estee Lauder and the Salad Bar of Susa,” was written after Mom and her friend, Michael, spent hours at a local fast food restaurant coming up with character names and story lines. Characters like Estee Lauder, Mortifries, Ham & Cheese and King Burgersuerus made the crowd groan and laugh at the same time!  

In 1984, Mom got an amazing opportunity. She was dancing with the Israel’s Hope dancers and they were going to Israel. Wow! Mom got to dance in Jerusalem! She got to see the beautiful sights and walk where Yeshua walked. She always looked back on that trip fondly and wanted to one day return. I used to dance with Israel’s Hope too. When they travelled to do concerts, the dancers would usually travel with them. I remember one time specifically that Mom and I were the only dancers. We had so many people tell us how beautiful it was to see a mother and daughter dance in praise to the Lord together!

Mom made her living as a graphic designer, editor and copy writer. She used to say, “I want to write fiction, but writing junk mail is as close as I can get right now.” Her sense of humor was always present, especially in the work place. Once, while she was editing, she had to correct the spelling of a word. They had put an extra “I” in there. She took her exact-o knife, cut out the letter and went to talk to her boss. She placed it on his desk and said, “I’m keeping an “I” on you!” It’s OK… you can groan.

As I mentioned before, Mom and I had a tough time of things when I was growing up. But in 1991, something incredible happened… I moved out and we became the best of friends! Mom had the tendency to be introverted, and I do not have that tendency. I know you are all shocked to hear that! When we were finally not under the same roof all the time, we had something to talk about. We went to dinner together and just enjoyed each other’s company.

In 1994, another great opportunity presented itself. Mom went on a mission trip to Kiev, Russia. She was so excited to see where our family came from and it was yet another chance for her to share the love of Yeshua with others. While she was there, she fell down an escalator. She was hurt enough to have to stay in bed for a few days, but thankfully no worse. And while she was laid up, she took advantage of the opportunity and witnessed to the doctor and nurse who were attending to her. Way to go, Mom!

Shortly after Mom came home from Russia, I introduced her to JR. I told her that he was a good man and that I was very taken with him. And he was a goy! Mom said she didn’t care about that. As long as he loved God and loved me he could be purple and be good in her book! So in 1995, Mom finally got her son and along with him, she was blessed (as am I) with the best in-laws you could ever ask for. The Hinkles took Mom into the fold as true family, loved her and embraced her like one of their own!

In 2002, Mom moved into her dear friend, Joyce’s basement. Joyce was Mom’s prayer partner and sister in the Lord. I was glad because it was good for Mom not to be alone.

Mom loved to knit. I know for a fact that there are a lot of babies with blankets made with love by my Mom. Mom taught me how to knit when I was a teenager and I have loved it so much.

Another activity Mom and I enjoyed was painting ceramics. We used to go up to the shop where I worked (after hours), pop a DVD into the player and paint the night away. Mom has painted challah plates, Kiddush cups, penguins and dragons. Many people have been recipients of her hand painted items.

In 1999, she became Bubbe to her first grandchild, Emily. And then 11 years after that, she was Bubbe again to her second grandchild, Jack. She was in the room when he was born! Mom said she was so glad Jack was a boy because she could tell everyone that Emily was her favorite granddaughter and Jack was her favorite grandson.

My Mom left a legacy! She instilled in me faith in Yeshua, a deep love for my Jewish heritage and showed me that with God’s help you can do anything. I believe that, too. After all, she raised me by herself and I know that couldn’t have been easy. I see my Mom in the faces of my kids. I know she loved them so very much.

Mom was the first person I called for everything. If my kids were driving me crazy, call Mom. If my husband was making me mental, call Mom. If I just needed someone to talk to, call Mom. She was my prayer warrior, my encourager and my best friend. I’m not too sure what I’m going to do without her but I know that with God’s help I will get through it!

A Christmas Miracle, 8 Days Early

After three miscarriages and a failed adoption attempt, we were very nervous about being pregnant again. So when we were faced with the reality that we could be losing our fourth child, our fear and anger came to the surface. My husband prayed. He told God, "All through my life as a Christian I knew You would come through for me..." Then he said the most brutally honest thing I have ever heard. "... until now. I don't believe You're going to come through for us." Then he added, "Prove me wrong!"


12 years ago today, God gave us our proof. Our beautiful daughter, Emily Caroline, was born, giving us the best early Christmas present we could have ever hoped for. My daughter is my miracle gift I begged God for, just like Hannah begged God for Samuel. Also like Hannah, I dedicated my child to God to use her as He saw fit. And He has definitely used her!


Emily is the most compassionate, caring girl I have ever met. She is a champion for the weak, a friend to everyone and forgives every wrong committed against her. God uses her daily to bring hugs and smiles to her teachers, her parents and especially her baby brother. She is a miracle and I remember that every time I look at her sweet face.


12 years old today. In Jewish tradition already a woman, but forever my baby girl. The scripture I held on to while I was pregnant with Emily and have remembered every time I look at her is 1 Samuel 1:27,  "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him."


I love you, Emily Caroline! Happy Birthday!