Shhhhh.... I'm Sleeping. (yet another blog entry from the past.)

Mmmmmm.... sleep. I love sleep. Really LOVE sleep. More than breathing, I think. Definitely more than eating. Probably not more than Dr. Pepper though.

Sleep is such a wonderful thing but unfortunately very illusive for me. I have lupus which leads to chronic insomnia which leads to chronic fatigue. The trifecta of sleeplessness. Believe me it sucks! One of the best things about my diagnosis though is that I have the doctor's permission to sleep... WHENEVER I CAN! YES! If only it were that simple.

I envy people who can fall asleep easily. My husband is like that. Since he was a child my husband has been an "on the go"person. Run, run, run until his head hit the pillow then... SNORE! My father-in-law loves to tell the story of when my husband was little the family was out at a motorcycle race and they were on the go all day! They went to dinner and as long as the band played, JR was wide awake.But as dad tells it as soon as the band stopped playing, JR fell asleep in his mashed potatoes! My loving husband is still like that! There have been nights in the past where my insomnia was so bad I was practically crying because I wanted to sleep so bad. Then I looked over at the love of my life and... I wanted to hit him with a pillow!! Really hard!

Our daughter is a lot like that too. She's a crazy girl and when she's really run down she hits the pillow and OUT! The only time she has trouble sleeping is when she's afraid she is going to miss out on something she thinks is way cool! Poor baby!

I am pretty sure that my brother-in-law is narcaleptic! The boy can sleep anywhere. He came over one night because he really wanted to talk to his brother. My husband was in the middle of something and asked Matt if he could wait a minute. So Matt sat down on the couch to wait and within 5 minutes he was OUT LIKE A LIGHT! And if that story isn't good enough here's another. Matt was in a band before and one time before a concert, his bandmates found him standing in a corner sound asleep! Gosh I'm jealous!

Why can't I sleep like that? I mean besides the medical conditions that I have. Why can't I just lie down and fall asleep? For some reason when the lights turn off, my brain turns on! Suddenly all I can do is think. I think about what I did today. I think about what I have to do tomorrow. What was the name of that song? Did I turn off the oven? Does the family have clean underwear for tomorrow? Where the heck did I leave that stupid pen?? UGH! It's annoying! The only thing that can turn off my brain is my sleep meds. Thanks be to God for creating scientists who invented sleep meds and for creating doctors who give them to sleep deprived patients!

You would think that with all this extra time I have in my day while I'm not sleeping that I would do something. At times I do. I have been known to clean the bathroom at 2 AM or even do the dishes at 5 AM. But most of the time I just lie in bed and hope for sleep. My reasoning for this is even though I'm not sleeping at least I'm still getting rest, right? HAHAHA!

I think this is why I love sleep so very much! One year my husband and daughter asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. I told them that I wanted 24 hours of uninterrupted sleep! Well, it wasn't 24 hours, but they went out and stayed out all day and I slept until 4:30 PM. There is something amazing about falling into a warm comfy bed with crisp clean sheets, sliding under the covers and falling into a blissful sleep. It's something I look forward to every night. I can think of only one feeling that is better than that!

So just keep in mind the next time you call me and I don't answer my phone... I'm probably doing the thing I love the most... NO... not drinking a Dr. Pepper! Sleeping! Shhhhhh!!!

What Do I Want to be When I Grow Up? (another blog entry from days gone by.)

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. That's pretty sad considering I'm 37 years old. I have a lot of interests but I haven't figured out how to put them into a career. How many Pirate Archaeologist Crime Scene Investigator Photographers do you know?

I love listening to kids when they talk about what they want to be when they grow up. For instance when I was in third grade I wrote a story about how I wanted to be a taxi cab driver when I grew up so I could drive people home who were too drunk to drive themselves. Typically I hear kids saying that when they grow up they want to be a doctor, a veterinarian, a writer, a ballerina or a race car driver or something grand like that. My daughter wants to be a rock star, a missionary, an artist and an astronaut. She's only 8 so I guess we have time to see where life takes her. Other than the taxi cab driver, I wanted to be an actress, a nuclear physicist, a seismologist and a mommy. One out of five isn't too bad, right?

I have had a lot of jobs in the past. I have been a children's clothing sales person, a receptionist, a waitress, an assistant manager at a movie theater, a nanny, and a clerk at a bookstore. I have worked at a paint your own pottery studio, I have been a kid's fitness teacher, a drama teacher and I've dressed up as a bear to entertain kids. I also ran my own Pampered Chef business for 7 years. Lately I have been wondering if "Webkinz Afficionado" can be considered a career.

So why is it so difficult to figure out what I want to do? Maybe it's because I'm very picky. I'm sure the perfect job is out there somewhere. And I have very valid reasons for not pursuing my childhood career ideas. Taxi cab driver-- I'm germaphobic and I have no sense of direction, actress-- I have morals, nuclear physicist-- I barely passed geometry and never took higher science and seismologist-- I am pretty sure the reasons for not being a nuclear physicist apply here too. Ahh, well. What are you going to do?

Maybe I could follow in my parents footsteps. Let's see... when I was a kid, my dad did landscaping. Later he did security work. Actually I think he still does security work but he is anxious for retirement! You go Dad! Live the life of leisure! Mom is an ad designer. She used to write ads. Mom used to say she wanted to write fiction so she got into advertising. She's also an unpublished author. Her father wanted to be a poet. I have this great picture of him looking very poetic with his flannel jacket and pipe. He went on to start the first catalog jewelry business in Washington D.C. Funny where life takes you!

Maybe it's just the paycheck I miss, and not the job. Stay-at-home moms don't "rake in the dough!"

With all of this being said, I realize I have the best job in the world. Wife and mother. I have the greatest husband in the world and a fantastic daughter! I'm a stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home mom... YEAH RIGHT! Wait... I actually did become a taxi cab driver! I just realized that! I drive my daughter to and from school and I drive another kid afterschool too! I am a trash man (woman), a warden, a janitor, a laundress, a doctor, a cook, a personal shopper, a CPA and I volunteer at my daughter's school sometimes. I say all of this not to pat myself on the back or get praise from others. I don't wake up every morning and celebrate my accomplishments. More likely than not I wake up in the morning and say, "Crap! Is it morning again?!" I'm not a very good housekeeper, but my family has food and clean clothes so I guess I'm not too bad! I have told my husband many times that if he wanted June Cleaver he married the wrong woman!

I need to learn to be content. That's what it is. I need to learn that what I have and what I do is more important than a major career. It says in Philippians 4:11, "... for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." So I will continue to try to take that lesson from Paul to heart! 

The Culture of Bowling (a blog entry from days long ago.)

Recently I was thinking about certain aspects of my childhood. Namely going to the bowling alley with my dad. When I think about bowling there are some things that stick out. Really loud music (usually country. Not a fan!), cigarette smoke and alcohol scented adults, sticky tables and chairs (don't forget the large amount of gum stuck to the bottom of those tables), and most memorable-- rental shoes... or as I refer to them, "Rental Foot Fungus Recepticals."

As an adult I have realized that bowling has not changed in the least. Most of the folks are outside smoking (no more smoking indoors!!) between throws, most have a pitcher of beer sitting on their table and no matter how much antiseptic they spray into those shoes they are STILL fungus factories! I can barely handle it when my husband borrows my slides to walk out to the mailbox so you can imagine how I feel about rental shoes!

Bowling has this whole separate culture to it. And there are several levels to it.  Level One is what I refer to as "The Dabblers." These people go bowling every once in a while and are content to use alley balls and rental shoes. It's just a fun night out. Level Two goes a little deeper. These people may own a ball with a bag and maybe shoes. They may have bowled in a league before but didn't stick with it. They haven't quite sold their souls! Then there is Level Three, "The Fanatics." These are the people that have HUGE bowling bags that look like small coffins with wheels. These bags contain 2 or 3 bowling balls: one for oily lanes, one for dry lanes and the last one just to prove that they have more balls than everyone else. There are other things in the bag too. There are towels to wipe the oil off of the ball, rosin bags to keep your hands dry, wrist braces to keep your hand and wrist in the right position to throw the ball properly, a powder to keep your shoes from sticking to the lane, booties to put over your shoes so that if you go to the bathroom, concession stand or outside to smoke, nothing will get on your shoes and maybe other things I have yet to discover.

Scoring is a whole other world too! In bowling, strikes are a good thing. Actually they are a great thing! The more you get the higher your score. Spares are fine, gutter balls are a disaster. Guess which I get a lot? Splits are no laughing matter either. Unlike gymnastics, splits don't give you more points and unlike football, you don't get 3 points for getting the ball between the pins! One more thing-- you definitely do not want to cross the foul line. This could cause an incredibly funny and an incredibly painful situation. See, there's oil on the lane past the foul line. If you hit that you could go careening down the lane much like Fred Flintstone. Like I said, funny... but painful!

Now that I have said all of this I need to confess something... I am in a bowling league! I own my own ball and of course, my own shoes! What can I say? I live in a rural area and there is not much else to do for fun. But I digress.... Being in a bowling league has proven to be anything but ego stroking. Here's an example: my team has been in last place EVERY season we've bowled. And we have been bowling for like 5 seasons (2 1/2 years). Yeah, we suck! Mostly me. I, Captain Laura, suck at bowling! In my defense though, our losing is a team effort!

So to end this tirade, I will say that even though bowling has its own weird culture and it hasn't changed over the years, it is kind of fun! At least my crew and I have fun and we share a common goal. That goal-- to band together and laugh in the face of losing because winning doesn't seem to be a possibility for us! Our team name says it all... "Last Place Champs!"

What is This Shower Thing of Which You Speak?

There are things that I had before having another child that I now realize I totally took for granted. Nowadays I refer to them as "luxuries." One day I hope to be able to take them for granted again!


1. Showering - I like to tell myself that not showering as often as I'd like helps Jack stay familiar with my scent; kind of like animals that always return to the same place to eat, sleep and potty. I know that's not true. Let me have my delusion! Lately showering serves more than one purpose. Yeah, we all know it gets you clean, but it's also my "me" time, my time away from everyone and everything. (Mostly. Unless the husband or the #1 kiddo are knocking at the bathroom door demanding my attention, or I hear the baby screaming.) I don't get much of that time anymore. To quote Spock, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one." There's no resentment at all, just a wistful longing for that quiet time.


2. Make-up - This goes along with the showering thing. No time to shower, why bother with make-up.  This goes against me though because now when I see people they comment on how tired I look. OK. I know I'm tired, but I don't want to look like the train wreck I feel like! You know? BTW: Does make-up expire? Because I would hate to think that by the time I get around to using it regularly again that I would have to throw it all away and start over.


3. Sleep - Let me start this by saying that whoever coined the phrase "Sleeping like a baby" never had a baby! If they had they would know that babies don't sleep! Not for any significant amount of time, anyway. I LOVE my sleep! I love it more than Dr. Pepper! (That's saying a lot!) I miss my sleep. The most sleep I get is on the weekends when my husband is home and doesn't have to get up early for work the next day. Then he can take the baby at night and I can get some much needed rest! There are times when my boy sleeps for a decent length of time and I appreciate those moments. The challenge is getting him to go to sleep. Just like his big sister, my boy doesn't want to fall asleep because he may miss something important.


5. Eating a hot meal - I truly believe that my son has a mutant ability. His mutation?? The ability to know when I am about to sit down to a hot meal. It's true! Without fail, whenever I sit down with food in front of me he starts crying. Suddenly he needs Mama! And no one else will do! It's either that he's hungry, or needs a diaper change, or decided that his toys aren't fun anymore and he needs another form of entertainment, me. This right here is why God makes babies cute! I have tried to take care of all of his needs before dinner is finished, but that doesn't always work out. On the bright side I am learning to eat with my left hand!


6. Getting out of the house quickly - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This needs no real explanation. It is an impossibility! If it's just me leaving the house without the baby, maybe this can happen. But if I'm leaving with one or all members of my family... forget it! Is the diaper bag packed? Is the stroller in the car? Where are the keys? Where is the baby's binky? Dangit! I forgot to grab my wallet. Did you remember the diaper bag? Are you sure you have enough bottles? Help me get the baby in the car seat. Are you sure you have everything? Did you remember the baby? No wonder I never get make-up on. I have too much to prepare just to leave the house!


7. Anything extracurricular - I used to be crafty. Cross-stitch, knitting, blogging... I used to read all the time. Lately, not so much. For example... I have been knitting the same baby bib since the beginning of May. It's not even halfway done. I haven't even looked at my cross-stitch stuff. I don't believe I have finished a book in months. (That may go more to my attention span than not enough time, but still...) And blogging? Well, just look at my history and you will see that this is the first thing I have written in 4 months. I'm hoping that this blog entry will be the springboard I need to start writing again. Time will tell.


So what is the moral of this story? It's not "don't have a baby." I LOVE my boy! I wouldn't trade him for any of these "luxuries." I guess the moral would have to be don't take things for granted. You never know when you won't be able to take them for granted again.