As I was brushing my teeth last night and gagging for the millionth time, I started to think of what I'm looking forward to after pregnancy. Here's my list:
10. Dying my hair crazy colors again. It's been the same, boring color for 8 months! I need something new and exciting!
9. Not gagging EVERY TIME I brush my teeth. Seriously! The only times I have vomited in this pregnancy have been after brushing my teeth. Well, there was that one time after I had a major coughing fit.
8. Not peeing myself EVERY TIME I laugh hard, cough or sneeze! (I know this takes a while to return to normal and I'm aware that some women never recover this ability. I'm hoping to be an exception to this!)
7. Being able to take a pain killer that works better than PEZ... I mean, Tylenol.
6. My stomach returning to it's rightful place in my abdomen, rather than where it is which is against my rib cage. (No one should should feel their stomach growl in their chest. That's just weird!)
5. No more people rubbing my belly or commenting on how big I look. Neither of those things is very flattering. They do nothing for my self esteem.
4. Walking down my short hallway without losing my breath. Maybe even walking the 10 feet to my bathroom without losing my breath. Heck, I'd settle for getting up off the couch without losing my breath!
3. No longer feeling like that guy in Alien. You know, when the creature is moving around and then suddenly bursts through his abdomen? Yeah... like that!
2. No limitations on my caffeine consumption. Believe it or not, I have significantly cut down on my Dr. Pepper intake. It's sad. I miss my loads of Dr. Pepper!
And the number one thing I am looking forward to...
Finally meeting the boy who has beat me up from the inside, rearranged my entire body, and set me and my family on a whole new path in life! I can't wait to hug you, and kiss your face!! I love you, Jack!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I've Been Through the Desert on a Horse With No Legs
Ahhh, yes. This is just one of the many songs my brain has butchered the lyrics to over the years. I thought of this last night while listening to 80's on 8 on my XM radio. A Bryan Adams song came on and at this one point I started laughing, looked at JR and said, "Wow! I have no idea what Bryan just said there." That lead to remembering Eddie Murphy's imitation of James Brown on stage and the background guys saying. "What'd James just say? I don't know, just go with it!"
I began to ponder the songs that I've messed up lyrics to and decided to share them here. The most recent one is "Get Back" by Paul McCartney. For years now I have thought that he was singing "Jojo was a man who thought he was a woman, but he really was a man." WRONG! Then there's one of my favorites, "Secret Agent Man" that I thought was "Secret Asian Man." The best though is the title of the blog. America's song "I've Been Through the Desert on a Horse with No Name." I grew up thinking that song said, "I've been through the desert on a horse with no legs." I remember thinking, "Wow! That couldn't have been a very long trip. Why did the horse have no legs? Why was he trying to ride the horse with no legs?" I had a very active imagination!
I'm sure there are many, many other songs that I have messed up over the years. I can't remember them all. But I want to leave you with my all time favorite. Unfortunately I can't take credit for this one. I saw it on a commercial. "Rock the Casbah" by the Clash. In the commercial they sing, "The sheep don't like it! Lock the cash box, lock the cash box!"
I began to ponder the songs that I've messed up lyrics to and decided to share them here. The most recent one is "Get Back" by Paul McCartney. For years now I have thought that he was singing "Jojo was a man who thought he was a woman, but he really was a man." WRONG! Then there's one of my favorites, "Secret Agent Man" that I thought was "Secret Asian Man." The best though is the title of the blog. America's song "I've Been Through the Desert on a Horse with No Name." I grew up thinking that song said, "I've been through the desert on a horse with no legs." I remember thinking, "Wow! That couldn't have been a very long trip. Why did the horse have no legs? Why was he trying to ride the horse with no legs?" I had a very active imagination!
I'm sure there are many, many other songs that I have messed up over the years. I can't remember them all. But I want to leave you with my all time favorite. Unfortunately I can't take credit for this one. I saw it on a commercial. "Rock the Casbah" by the Clash. In the commercial they sing, "The sheep don't like it! Lock the cash box, lock the cash box!"
Friday, March 4, 2011
What Have We Learned Today?
We're over here by QWERTY to find out what we have learned today. (Cue Veggie Tales music.)
"And so what we have learned today applies to our lives today, and God has a lot to say in His book. You see we know that God's word is for everyone, and now that our song is done let's take a look."
I'd like to think that as a parent I would have some knowledge and wisdom to pass down to my children. But alas, today I learned that I have some more learning to do. Case in point... Did you know even if a pair of jeans is TWO sizes too small and has two HUGE holes in the knees, that if they are your daughter's favorite, you do NOT throw them away? Sadly, I was not aware of this fact and was strongly reprimanded by my 11 year old regarding my mistake. Apparently this rule also applies to the jean skirt that was THREE sizes too small and a favorite as well.
So this leads me to wonder how I have made it this far in parenting? I must have missed a class somewhere that talked about this. Or, as Hugh Laurie once said regarding raising his daughter, "Girls are complicated. The instruction manual that comes with girls is 800 pages, with chapters 14, 19, 26 and 32 missing, and it's badly translated, hard to figure out." Couldn't have said it better myself!
Now let's see if QWERTY has a verse for us today. QWERTY?
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." ~Ephesians 6:4. (I'm sure this applies to Mothers as well!)
Well, that's all the time we have today, kids. Remember, God made you special and He loves you very much! Good-bye!
"And so what we have learned today applies to our lives today, and God has a lot to say in His book. You see we know that God's word is for everyone, and now that our song is done let's take a look."
I'd like to think that as a parent I would have some knowledge and wisdom to pass down to my children. But alas, today I learned that I have some more learning to do. Case in point... Did you know even if a pair of jeans is TWO sizes too small and has two HUGE holes in the knees, that if they are your daughter's favorite, you do NOT throw them away? Sadly, I was not aware of this fact and was strongly reprimanded by my 11 year old regarding my mistake. Apparently this rule also applies to the jean skirt that was THREE sizes too small and a favorite as well.
So this leads me to wonder how I have made it this far in parenting? I must have missed a class somewhere that talked about this. Or, as Hugh Laurie once said regarding raising his daughter, "Girls are complicated. The instruction manual that comes with girls is 800 pages, with chapters 14, 19, 26 and 32 missing, and it's badly translated, hard to figure out." Couldn't have said it better myself!
Now let's see if QWERTY has a verse for us today. QWERTY?
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." ~Ephesians 6:4. (I'm sure this applies to Mothers as well!)
Well, that's all the time we have today, kids. Remember, God made you special and He loves you very much! Good-bye!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
Nah... no one here is drunk! Actually, no one here is a sailor either. I'm not entirely sure why this song popped into my head today, but it triggered a funny memory.
Years ago I was a nanny. (I mean YEARS ago! My baby is now 20!) When AJ was learning walk, he was unsteady, as all new walkers are. He would stagger around the house like a drunken sailor and his dad used to sing this song to him all the time. "What do you do with a drunken munchkin, err-lie in the mornin'?"
I believe we are done with the TOTALLY random part of today's blog. Now back to our regularly scheduled program... whatever that is!
So, what have I done today? Well, not a lot would have to be my answer. I believe I've had 2 cups of coffee, (decaf!) some toaster waffles, put a load of laundry in the washer, (not the dryer yet) watched my sick kid play Lego Harry Potter on the X-Box and started knitting a hat for the baby! I believe that makes the "Drunken Munchkin Song" memory the highlight of the day. Kind of sad in a way. I'm going through these periods of major nesting then periods of major disinterest in what needs to happen in the house. I suppose this is pretty typical for the end of a pregnancy but since it's been 11 years since my last one, I'm not too sure. (Wow! Looking back at what I just wrote... I need to eat something! Quickly! Like a really good burger and mashed potatoes from Boomerangs! DANG IT! Em is sick and I can't go anywhere and Boomerangs doesn't deliver... deep, pathetic sigh...)
I'm excited because the baby will be here by April 5th, actually April 1st if my OB can get the induction on the schedule. I'm nervous because that means in 4 weeks I will have a new life that I am responsible for. And when it's your own, it's WAY different than being a nanny. At least when I had AJ, his parents came home every night and took my responsibility away for the evening. I suppose I shouldn't worry too much, I mean, Em has turned out well. I know I can do this whole child rearing thing, not extremely well, but well enough, hopefully!
Well, I certainly hope this blog entry is entertaining. I think it's pretty confusing but I just got a Facebook message from a friend that says the following: "I have a brain puzzle magazine that says it's been scientifically proven that a woman's brain shrinks when pregnant, and takes up to 6 months after to return to normal size." Great... I'm totally hosed!
Years ago I was a nanny. (I mean YEARS ago! My baby is now 20!) When AJ was learning walk, he was unsteady, as all new walkers are. He would stagger around the house like a drunken sailor and his dad used to sing this song to him all the time. "What do you do with a drunken munchkin, err-lie in the mornin'?"
I believe we are done with the TOTALLY random part of today's blog. Now back to our regularly scheduled program... whatever that is!
So, what have I done today? Well, not a lot would have to be my answer. I believe I've had 2 cups of coffee, (decaf!) some toaster waffles, put a load of laundry in the washer, (not the dryer yet) watched my sick kid play Lego Harry Potter on the X-Box and started knitting a hat for the baby! I believe that makes the "Drunken Munchkin Song" memory the highlight of the day. Kind of sad in a way. I'm going through these periods of major nesting then periods of major disinterest in what needs to happen in the house. I suppose this is pretty typical for the end of a pregnancy but since it's been 11 years since my last one, I'm not too sure. (Wow! Looking back at what I just wrote... I need to eat something! Quickly! Like a really good burger and mashed potatoes from Boomerangs! DANG IT! Em is sick and I can't go anywhere and Boomerangs doesn't deliver... deep, pathetic sigh...)
I'm excited because the baby will be here by April 5th, actually April 1st if my OB can get the induction on the schedule. I'm nervous because that means in 4 weeks I will have a new life that I am responsible for. And when it's your own, it's WAY different than being a nanny. At least when I had AJ, his parents came home every night and took my responsibility away for the evening. I suppose I shouldn't worry too much, I mean, Em has turned out well. I know I can do this whole child rearing thing, not extremely well, but well enough, hopefully!
Well, I certainly hope this blog entry is entertaining. I think it's pretty confusing but I just got a Facebook message from a friend that says the following: "I have a brain puzzle magazine that says it's been scientifically proven that a woman's brain shrinks when pregnant, and takes up to 6 months after to return to normal size." Great... I'm totally hosed!
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